New feelings from Old news

Stuck in a recent rut, I couldn’t find a way to shake off the feelings of discouragement and negativity. Who would have thought that it would be my own words that would cheer me up?

As posted in a previous blog - about 4 years ago on Myspace - the old “me”, whom I love so dearly (and miss on some occasions) wrote this, concerning happiness:

“I said in my last blog that happiness is not a way of life, but a state of mind. It kind of creeps up on you when you least expect it, and if you're lucky it stays awhile. I was happy when I wrote that blog. Soon after, I kind of fell out of that happiness stage and was, well, just living. Right now I don't know what God has in mind for me, but He has been blessing me left and right! This semester has not been easy—not one bit, but it has been amazing. Let me share with you what God has done.

I registered for a Literature class because I had the teacher before and I liked her a lot. She's very hard, I got a B+ in her last class and really tried. I also got in an Art History class because I have a passion for Art—a passion that, until recently, I didn't know how much I could learn from. Ironically, taking these two classes at the same time really helped me, since literature is, after all, a form of art. I turned in a paper about art and literature that was quoted, "One of the best I've received here at FSU" by the hard Lit teacher I have. That was an honor, and blessing #1.

I broke up with my boyfriend, blessing #2. I know it sounds crazy, and a bit harsh, but the strength I have found in breaking up with him and dedicating my life to making more of myself has been phenomenal. I feel so much more mature and…liberated. I had been praying to God that things would get better, and when they didn't, I became upset, but had no strength to end things. Well, God has other plans, it seems, and I'm finally ready to let go.

I got an internship- blessing #3! I will be writing for the Greek Alumni Association for the FSU Booster Club. This could mean interviewing athletes, creating newsletters, all that good stuff. I'm so excited!

So, let me stop bragging (really I'm just so happy with what God is doing I want to share), and let me just say, that even when you feel like you should give up on things, that you are too weak or scared to make a difference, God will take care of it for you, if you just keep on praying. Don't even pray for yourself, pray for everyone else. Take your mind off your struggles and focus on helping others. That way, God can send you these nice little surprises like he has me. “

Wasn’t I just a doll? I just want to go back and pinch my own cheeks. Of course, it really is bittersweet. I always thought that with age did success follow – that each year was spent growing wiser and developing. And perhaps it’s true, but I can’t help but to feel a little behind. After all, in college I had a lot of potential – I was ambitious and strong and had a lot of confidence. The world was my oyster.
And now, it’s still an oyster – but it’s taking a heck of a time trying to shuck this thing open! (Isn't that the point of the saying? To find the pearl?)

But, the blog was encouraging. I know what I need to do: Pray. Find some inner peace. Something will come, I know this. I don’t think God leaves people out of the game on purpose. He’s just waiting to put us in the right position (right field, please). And eventually it will all be revealed, and I’ll feel much better, and perhaps happiness will linger for a little longer this time.